BUILDING BEAUTIFUL BOUNDARIES

When you have set your boundaries, life can be beautiful.

Beautiful boundaries? Believe it or not, boundaries can be, and should be beautiful. As women, we are often taught that having boundaries is a negative thing. We are taught to be sacrificial. There can be benefits to being sacrificial, bur the rewards generally work on behalf of others, not for ourselves. Many times in my own life, I consciously chose to be sacrificial. Like many of you, I have denied myself a new outfit in order to make sure my children had shoes to replace the ones they had outgrown. What woman hasn’t eaten the burned toast and given the unburned slices to her family. Have you ever stayed home with a sick loved one instead of attending an event for which you had looked forward to attending. Sure, we all make sacrifices. That’s the nature of the good-hearted. That’s admirable. However, if you are unable to say no instead of constantly agreeing to something that does not settle well in your spirit, you may want to look at your ability to honor your own boundaries.

What are Boundaries Anyway?

Basically, boundaries are the guidelines we set for ourselves to protect the precious gems inside of us. We can set our own borders. We can establish our own margins. We can decide for ourselves what gives us the freedoms to be our best selves. Boundaries are not necessarily established to keep people out or push them away. On the contrary, they can be the gates that welcome beautiful gifts into our life. I once talked with a woman who shared a story about her perception of boundaries. She shared that her home is sacred to her. Therefore, she protects what she cherishes and only allow entry by a select group of people. She shared, “ I talk to some people at the front gate. Others, I invite to talk on my front porch. A very few, I invite inside to sit at my table.” This wise insight allowed me to put my own life into perspective. This story spoke to me about setting beautiful boundaries.

The Gate – Entryway

Whether a garden gate is an ornate wrought iron work of art, or a piece of plywood with a latch, it serves the same purpose. It provides a barrier between the outside world and prohibits entry to your space. The same is true of an emotional gate. When you construct a gate, it is a clear message to outsiders to stop before granted permission to enter. There is a verse of scripture that asks us to “guard your heart.” An emotional gate is a way to guard your heart. It is a means of access control. You need not be forceful. You can be cordial as you engage with those outside the gate. However, for whatever reason, the message is clear. “Please do not cross this boundary unless invited to enter.” Set your emotional boundary. Some people will have limited access, while others will find you waiting to fling open the gate and enter unhindered.

The Porch – The Covering

I love a porch! It is a welcoming place where friends and family can gather. It is covered, and provides protection from both scorching sun and drenching showers. A porch is a place that stands between the exterior and the interior. In life, it is a good idea to consider a porch. It can serve as a testing ground. There are times when we want the company of others, but we want the visit to be short. We can enjoy conversation, but may not want to bare our souls. An emotional porch lets us enjoy cursory conversation without saturating our senses into overload. Sit on the porch for a while and then, cordially, bid your guests adieu.

The Table – The Meeting

When we gather at the table, we can expect food, fellowship and friendship. People who are invited to gather at the table are our trusted cohorts. They are welcome to sit and stay awhile. There is something satisfying and fulfilling about a meeting around the table. Many celebrations are held with the table as the focal point. Thanksgiving, Christmas, or daily evening dinners offer a place where we can be ourselves and be nourished. Let your emotions be nourished by a meeting around the table.

Set Healthy Boundaries

Decide what you want in a relationship and express it clearly. Examine how you feel in the presence of others and be honest with them and yourself. Use firm kindness and careful wording. There is no need to be hurtful, but there is a need to be honest. Restate your boundary needs when needed. Be consistent. Your boundaries are yours to respect.

When you have set your boundaries, life can be beautiful. Build beautiful boundaries. You are worth it.